Yesterday, I posted a picture on my Facebook page. This isn’t an unusual occurrence in itself – my timeline is jam packed full of pictures of the boys, Paul.. and food (shock horror!) What was unusual, for me, was the response this picture got. The picture I uploaded was of me and the boys before I went on a night out. Again, nothing unusual about a picture of a mum posing with her children.
Except for me, it is.
Being, to put it bluntly, fatter than the average person, I tend to always avoid cameras like the plague. I was quite happy to be the one taking the pictures and never missing a moment. What I hadn’t realised was that when the boys look back at their baby/toddler/preschool pictures in years to come, I wouldn’t be in any of them. I wouldn’t be part of those memories.
Any pictures I am in, usually have to be taken from specific angles to hide the ever growing triple chin, massive bingo wing toting arm or ginormous overhanging mummy tummy. Being in pictures was too much of a task. So, it was always easier to just be the one holding the camera.
Being in a world where social media is a main form of communication, you can allow people to see only what you want them to see. The few pictures that I posted on Facebook, twitter or the old favourite Bebo (god remember bebo!) were always the “lucky” pictures that were taken from an amazing angle that made me look semi okay. Never, ever would I post anything more than a head shot. Ever. I usually got heart palpitations at the dreaded Facebook notification “so and so has tagged you in 6 pictures…” Boak. Followed by the mad rush to UNTAG UNTAG UNTAG!!! It got slightly more awkward when you ran into someone who you were friends with on Facebook, and who hadn’t seen you in a while, and you could see them thinking “Jesus Christ she got massive….”
Confidence is an amazing thing. I think since becoming a mum, I’ve concentrated on bringing my boys up as best I can, but forgot to look after myself. It’s a typical thing. You become last on a long list of priorities and responsibilities. But I let it get pretty out of hand. About an extra 5 stone out of hand. And my confidence completely went.
As you all know, I’ve been dieting since April and on Thursday, I received my 2 stone award and have now lost a total of 2 stone 1.5lbs. I obviously still have a long way to go – another 3 stone – but in losing that 2 stone my confidence has finally started to return. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time and you know what? I’m bloody proud of myself. And that brings me to the main point of this blog post.
I never, ever want to be the size/weight/state I was, ever again. And so, I want to share with you all my journey so far. I’m biting the bullet and showing the world – well, the couple of you who read this blog – the pictures that no one else has ever seen. The pictures I hid away and kidded on didn’t exist. The bad angle, full body monstrosities that have never seen the light of day. The pictures that I am absolutely mortified about but they’re also the pictures that forced me into sorting myself out. And I hope that in sharing these – the deepest darkest most embarrassing pictures of myself – someone who isn’t feeling happy in themselves, or has no confidence, or wants to lose weight, will realise that if I can do it, anyone can.
So, this is me. Pre- April 2013. In all my glory.
And this next one is the picture that was the final nod to start me off on my weight loss journey. This picture was taken in January this year. Clearly, it is taken in a hospital, and I think that for friends/family members this might raise questions but the reason for this will be explained at another more appropriate time (I’m 100% fine now by the way) This picture symbolises so much for me. It reminds me of one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through but at the same time, it is the reason I started to lose weight and to get healthy not only for me but for my family and for our future.
And this is me now. Post April 2013. Think the smiles might say it all 🙂
And this is the picture I put up on Facebook yesterday. Two stone lighter, obviously a few stone to go, but the happiest I’ve felt in a long time.
I hope the hubby can work a camera – because I could get used to being on this side of the lens. And to everyone who liked, commented, and messaged me about that picture – you have no idea how much it meant to me. I can’t thank you enough ❤
The Southside Girl x